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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Fear is my prison.....

It's a funny thing Fear.... and actually there's nothing humorous about it at all. It rears it's head in unexpected places, lays dormant ready to pounce at any given moment.

When i started 12WBT -7 months ago i had nothing but fear in my mind. Fear of failure, Fear of disappointment, fear of the unknown, Fear of walking, fear of exercise, fear of fear it's self!

As time went on a lot of the fears subsided, because i showed myself that i beat the fear, conquered the thing I feared most.

I've lost nearly 50Kg in 7 months - BIG fear conquered. Yes Rach you can actually loose weight in a relatively easy way by treating your body with respect, nurturing your mind, fueling your body with good nutrition.
It's not magic... just conquered fear!

I walked/jogged the Sydney harbour bridge in 2012.  BIG fear challenged met face to face, and smashed!
I climbed Mt Panorama (and im about to do it again in a few days) BIG fear met and Smashed!
I walked 1000+ bloody grueling, mind bending steps in the blue mountains - HUGEEEE fear! faced & SMASHED!

But what are the fears i don't talk about?
The fear of life failure. The fear of never amounting to anything. The fear of never being loved. The fear of debt beyond imagination, The fear of family upset. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of not making those closest to me proud.

All these fears are my prison. They keep me close minded. They keep me guarded. The keep me from jumping (metaphorically) off the ledge. The keep me from being my True Self. 

Each and Every day I learn new things about me, and the changes i'm going through in Mind, body & Spirit.
Last night it was the realisation that in fact Fear is my prison. Today things make sense. Life is clearer. My Mind is open.
I won't lie- I still feel like fear of  "but what will..... (happen), (they say), (She think) (he do next)" clouds my head.
But in realising that it's the fear that holds me here i hope to start working on clearing it. Leaping! Doing not thinking! Being not dreaming about it!

 From today i make a step forward towards Living a life without FEAR......

1 comment:

  1. I've had a heck of a year, but it's gone full circle and now life is good. Really good. But most days I worry that it is all going to come crashing down around me. All the good can't last forever. What if something happens to my family's health? How will I protect my girls from the unknown? What if one of us loses our job. I have to remind myself to live in & enjoy the moment. Don't spend all day afraid of the what ifs. I guess some element of fear is natural, we just have to learn not to let it be the dominant emotion.