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Friday, December 13, 2013

She's baaaaaaack!

So I got my gym mojo back last week. 
I'm loving body balance, yoga & swimming. I also started back at weight training ... It hurts & I love it :) 

Good to be back at it! 
Girl got mojo ! 


Monday, September 2, 2013

The other side of success.

So it's been a long time since I last posted.  I think about doing it a lot. Life happened. this is a bit about why... I've been embarrassed.... but it's time to say it out loud. it's for my 12WBT 30+crew.

I want to share the other side of success.
For those you don’t know me … I’m one of your admins here. I’ve been on the 12WBT philosophy for 16 months . 4 official Rounds with 12WBT. Start weight was 206kg. I lost 65Kg in 1 year.

Current Weight 146.6kg.

Yup I gained weight…. Current loss 59.4Kg

It started about 6-8  weeks ago-I was 141kg – 2kg off cracking the 140’s I was ecstatic! 
Then it happened I gained 5kg.  I knew what it was- eating portions increased- training decreased.
Then I gained another 3kg.  bringing the gain to 8kg. I was sitting on 149.3 and thinking I’m less than  1kg from being back to 150Kg. that figure that I struggled with for months to crack.

How could I of let this happen? I’d lost 65kg, just 5 off 70kg… I was so proud of the changes I’d made, the interest in Nutrition, the freedom feeling of running…. Where did it go wrong?

I stopped and thought a lot about it. I remembered the very most important thing about weight loss. It’s not diet. It’s not training.  It’s not organisation or shopping lists. It’s my brain. My thought pattern.

Something personal had happened in my life at that time.  And then another, and another…. Until the focus of positive wellbeing had literally been shoved in the corner of a room to die a  slow death.

I found comfort in chocolate. In wine. In big portions of food. In couch laying. In misery.
I was turning back into the old me.

So last week I sat myself down and had a good talking to. (always an interesting thing to do ) I decided to stop wallowing. To start believing in me again. To make small and large goals. To remind myself WHY I do what I do. To remind myself of the toxic crap I’ve been eating. To remind myself that by overeating I’m growing my shrunken stomach. To look at myself I the mirror and see the loose skin, and saggy body, and remember why it now looks like this.  Cause I once believed in me. In the things I could achieve.  To believe I’m WORTH more than I was giving myself credit for. To remind me to LOVE me.
I’m far from perfect. I hope I’m never perfect. I’ve evolving daily and I love me like that.

I’ve lost 2.5 of those 8kg this week. I’m not sure how. Belief? Trust? Hope? Love …..?

I don’t have the answer or the tricks to hand on to all of us that struggle. I just know you have to belief in yourself. Give yourself a sense of WORTH. Know that you are capable of bigger and better things than right now…. It’ll take time-  so give yourself that gift.

I lost 65kg in a year.  I gained 8kg in 2 months. I will lose the next 50+KG over 2-3 years.

Be gentle to yourself. Be reasonable. Be hopeful. Be active. Be positive.

Be You.


Monday, July 22, 2013

This makes me smile...

Sometimes I forget how far along my transformation I've come ... When you look in the mirror you forget who you once were. 

Time to remember to celebrate the little and the big wins 


Tuesday, July 9, 2013

It's in my head...

Head shit is the worst. It harder to loose than weight. Yup that's right- HARDER. 

It's been an epic few weeks in the life of me... For a lot of reasons, mostly because certain situations have had me looking deeper at my head noise & for me that can often be destructive. 

It's made me stop. Pause. Be still tonight. Reflect. Enjoy & smile. 

Am I happy ? 
For the most part yes I am. I am happy right now, but I'm human & an Aries :/ so yes I over think all the time, turn ok into bad, bad into mad, mad into destructive. 

There's a pain in my head that's not physical.... It's mental. It's a pain that the new me can make disappear. With great thought & meditation, relaxation & rationalization. 

It's a work in progress. I AM a work in progress. 2 steps forward ... 1/2 a step back, 1 step sideways & I'm back on track. 

Tomorrow is a brand new day. 

I'm fucking awesome & so are you !!!

There's a meme doing the rounds on Facebook, so I decided to chime in ...

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

365 days of winning!!!

Happy fitaversary to me !!
365 days done & dusted !!!
- 7 dress sizes!
- head crap
++++++ LIFE!!!!!

Friday, May 24, 2013

I'm me on the outside too !

Finally I'm starting to look like the me I am in the inside, outside :)


Friday, May 17, 2013

It's not just a ring... it's a source of power!

the 2nd time i walked Mount panorama i bought a ring from a  cute shop in Bathurst.
If you read this post you'll know it looks like this...
Unfortunately the ring was only silver coated and it wasn't too long before it turned tarnished. It led me to thinking about a custom ring. a ring of power and freedom. A ring that would remind me of a path I'm on, and the distance traveled, and the fun times that lie ahead. A ring that will remind me to challenge my self creatively & to try new things.A ring to remind me how strong i am to change my life in such a dramatic way, inside and out.

And so it was born....

My beautiful POWER ring is Stirling silver... I've had it for about 3 weeks now, and i wear it every day.

It Reads...
Illuminate Passion
Paradise is where i am
Saving My Life

On the back it has Roman numerals for my start weight & My first major goal weight.

Thank you to  Ulli of Ulli Jewellery  who worked with me to design my special ring.

365 days to freedom

So it's been almost a year since I started my healthy lifestyle change and I'm halfway to my first major goal.

Today I decided to start a different kind of 365 day challenge, one that will challenge my carer, and offer my freedom.

Mission 1:- what does freedom mean to you?

Freedom to me is living on my own terms, running a successful business using my creative talents to earn a living and smiling everyday I do it. A perk of this freedom doe me is, in turn i get to help make other people happy too :)

Job Escape Kit - 365 Days to Freedom

I am good enough!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Happy birthday to me

Yup another year gone..... and I'm the lightest I've been in years on my birthday ... light of both Mind and body.

My 34th is going to be a good one i can tell :)
My Family
Surprise family picnic that mum arranged for me :)
Mums home made Gluten free cupcakes :)
Some of my beautiful cards.
My Work "girls" took me out for lunch

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Saving my life... & a funny thing happened on the way to work....

With only a few days till my birthday and a few KG's off hitting -60kg loss, i decided it was time to get cracking on my -50kg loss present to myself!

I've been planning this gift to myself for a while now, but for those of you who read my blog, you'll know my "mantra" is  - "saving my life"   Ive blogged it, and Vloged it, and i stand by it daily... so what better a reminder of the transformation I'm going through that a daily reminder on my wrist of what it is I'm doing ....

So off i went to North Shore ink in Waitara. I was nervous and excited all at once! My beautiful friend Jess came with me 8 1/2 months pregnant!
I met with Lee he sketched my tattoo , and after some careful placements off we went.....

We all love a good "before" photo :)
Let the fun begin!
Almost Done
Beautiful pain
It wasn't till Lee had nearly finished, that i noticed under his collar a chest tattoo. It said "tattooing saved my life".  We chatted about the significance to him for this tattoo, and how we both appreciated the ink we now wore.
He had a bad childhood and was on the wrong side of life, so to speak. There was no career direction for him, and one day a friend said to him; "What are you going to do with your life?" He could only reply- "Just keep drinking and drugging till i die". His friend offered him a job in Tattooing and Lee never looked back.

As i sat in the chair with a tear rolling down my face it reminded me just how short and precious life can be. Sometimes we are offered a suggested hand in life, but ultimately it's up to us to accept the offer/suggestion. Weather it's weight loss, career change- the theory is relevant to so many different aspects of life. For Lee had he not of accepted the offer-who knows where he could of been now! The good news is he did, and every day he's saving his own life through a passion of art.

I couldn't of wished for a better tattooist!

The Finished Product
So a funny thing happened on the way to work this Tattoo-ing day .... to explain i need to go back a few years- before my transformation.

From the age of 7 I've been a singer - stage mostly, some T.V and outdoor performances. About 4 years ago i stopped singing, not even in the shower, sometimes in the car but not much.
I've also started learning a lot from an amazing woman - Emazon.  she's taught me how to listen to myself, my greater mind, to seek the paths in life that I want, and not to follow the paths that the outside world potentials "made" me go on. The greater-mind only understands 2 things...  Love & Freedom. Emma's explanation of freedom is to have your wings full spread, soaring across the sky.... when we deny our greater-mind our wigs a re tight closed, and blocked from being wide open.

So I'm driving along the freeway towards Sydney on a clear blue day, music was pumping , i felt so happy- and all i wanted to do was SING!!  I turned off the radio and turned my voice recorder on my Iphone, and sung all my favorite songs that hadn't passed my lips in years! I remember leaning forward and looking at the sky with not a wisp of cloud..... until there was.

It was a pair of perfect spread wings! So defined and big and glorious and it was there just for me. Immediately i knew that having the music back in my voice was right for me. My greater-mind was having a party in my body and i was loving every second!
Feeling the Music

So when i went to get my wrist tattoo, it was only natural that i got this too!

I'm completely deaf in my left ear-  so for me this tattoo is also about the fact i may not hear the music, but i will always feel it.
A week after

A month later & all healed

Monday, April 8, 2013

Week 8 -My 4th round.... Video Log

On my walk this evening i thought i'd do a Vlog- it's been 3 rounds since i did one! 
it's a bit dodgy... but you get the idea :)


Learning to live in my bubble ...

I wrote this on Facebook last night, decided to post it here so I never forget ❤

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Graceful Elegance Perfection....

3 words that come to mind when i think of Dita Von Tease

Graceful Elegance Perfection....

I was reminded last night whilst chatting to a lovely friend, just how much I aspire to be even 50% of what my inspirational celebrity role models are.

Dita, Audrey, Marilyn....

It's a 40's thing... that I've always had. One day a photo-shoot influencing Dita is a must :)

A new home, a new leaf & a new life ....

It's been a busy few weeks.
First big wedding of 2013 for my business. Packed and sold my first home &  moved into my new apartment.

But it's done. I did it. I made it through what i was deeming the hardest month this year for me!  Back at work after 4 days off work for the move and my colleagues all think i look so happy :) and i FEEL so happy!

My apartment- all be it still half in boxes- is looking beautiful. It's so big for me that i forget where i am some times!

I get to wake up looking at the sunrise from the comfort of my pillow & doona... and i smile, and im happy and ready for what the works will throw at me!

It wasn't an easy 5 months getting to this point.  it's been hard. really hard. for the most part i've put on a happy face, but pain is deep, and it runs true. It's also not over... i feel that sense of loss frequently, and i will for a long time to come.

On a positive note- over this stressful time , when i've not eaten as great as i could of, i've not gained weight! it means even under pressure.. I'VE GOT THIS! :)

My Healing has only just begun, there is much excitement ahead, things to learn, new people to meet, and many a new leaf to turn. But right now it feels good.

My next adventure (via my 34th birthday) is a trip to Brisbane for the Emazon- Stand your ground 4 day convention. It's going to be the place i learn more about who i am, who I'm going to be and where i've come from to get to this point. I'm excited to come home after those 4 days, fitter, healthier of mind, and with plans for my future spirit.
These 4 days are going to be all about me, and no-one else. It's a TOTALLY selfish experience ! I'll put my self first on all levels... So be warned-  don't expect much from me 18-23rd April.... get your birthday wishes in early people :)

When i return from Brisbane, i expect I'll be a force to be reckoned with, a changed (or changing) woman of mind and spirit! (to add to the ever changing body)

Whats' more in the past 5 months my friendships have grown. Those close to me that have been supportive- you know who you are, i love and adore each and everyone of you.
And to Bec, for our mutual understanding and acceptance of each others changes, needs and growths. I'm so proud of us both! We've come so far- the only way is up Pickle- and I'm excited for us !! xx

So, this is where I'm at.  an exciting place in my life, moving forward and not looking back.

Let the new leaf adventures begin!


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I ache & I LOVE it!


During pump tonight I added 5kg to my thigh track making it 15kg & 5kg to my back track making it 10kg!

I.Ache.... And I LOVE it!!

I love feeling the movement of muscles in my back where fat used to be.

I feel powerful!
I feel strong!
I feel ALIVE!

I posted this in the awesome 30+ crew page tonight and my friend Shelley commented... I loved her comment so much I had to add it to this post :)xxx

Sunday, March 3, 2013

It was ME .... I DID IT! :)

I ran into a neighbor I've not seen since I've lost weight... We were chatting about the sale of my house, then out of the blue she asks if I've lost weight ... Yes 52kg I say. Wow, you look fantastic is her reply...

Then came the sweetest moment ...

She says " how did you do it? Did you get your stomach stapled ? "
I reply "no, hard work and determination actually!"

And there it was... The first time is really heard my self admit it ....
I did this not surgery, not a magical cure, no hidden secrets...


Thursday, February 21, 2013

Going through the (E)motions....

I made a bold admission on Facebook this week...

A lot of people have been telling me how strong and together I seam. This is really hard for me to admit- and not even the closest to me realise but I'm not coping at all well. I'm very overwhelmed by life right now. I don't know how to ask for help so I don't lean on others. I'm learning on how to ask for help but its an ongoing process. Putting up walls and painting on a smile and concentrating on my health are just ways to attempt at coping. This isn't a call for help- I just wanted to explain how I'm feeling. If i can't be there for you right now it because I'm dealing with just being there for myself xx
It scared the hell out of me to write this.  I wrote it, read it-  re-read -planned to delete it.... but then i stopped and i thought about all the people like me now brave enough to speak up about how they feel. their true feelings. At work if I'm drowning i put my hand up - so why not do it for my life ??

So i posted it.

I then lost all courage to respond to the loveliest of messages that people left.  Letting me know they are there for me. why ? it felt like a weakness. i had exposed my inner raw feelings out there in world. I'd dropped the wall and there was no going back.

There was something good that came of this post. i reflected, i listened, i thought, and i felt.
It's okay to ask for help. It's ok to lean on others. It's ok to put all your trust in others, and NOT expect they will fail.  My expectations are too high - of me, and of others. they always have been.

So what's making me feel so overwhelmed?

  • My house just sold and so the tick-tock of settlement looming is freaking me out!
    • Pack a house -dealing with separating joint items of a 6 year relationship
    • Find a new house (that will let me have a pet)
    • find packing boxes
    • Scratch together a bond Deposit
    • Pay all the bills for the house
    • Field calls with the solicitor, and fill out WAY to much paperwork for the sale.
    • Deal with paying all the debts for the house on my own, and juggle calls from debt collectors (irony)
    • Collate, photograph and post items on Ebay to sell
  • Organise a baby shower held at my house (this one is a pleasure but still lots to!) 
  • Run My company -Bride meetings,quotes & weddings
  • Deal with the stress of my day job, and all the joys that come with being a debt Collector
  • Find time to exercise everyday
  • Eat well
  • De-stress, and not grab the nearest tub of ice cream
  • Deal with health issues cause from loosing a lot of weight (not always a Rosy thing!)
  • Shop, and pre cook for the week -so i actually have the time to exercise
  • Washing, Cleaning, tiding the house...
  • Panic that the car is 6 months over due,and falling apart!
  • Remember to feed the cat (t be fair she reminds me by screaming at me till it's done!)
  • Panic about how overgrown the Garden looks,and the fact i should do something to it!
  • fix the vacuum cleaner so i can vacuum the already shitty carpet that embarrass the hell out of me!
  • Be a good friend, daughter, sister.....
It all sound pretty straight forward right ?  
It's a hard adjustment running a 3 bed house, and all the finances on your own, when it's always been a shared responsibility - frankly I'm amazed i have clean clothes to wear everyday....!

Now i know all you  mothers of 100 children out there are prolly thinking "shut the hell up!"  but this is hard for me. Ive never lived alone, Ive never had to do everything for me, and so much so that i get into a zombie like state as i wiz around doing my chores.....

I have some pretty amazing things coming up in the next 3 months - I'm hoping i can afford to do them all wholeheartedly.  I'm putting myself out thee.  I'm opening my heart to the world. I'm learning to trust in people, and Lean or rely on them to take some of the burden off.

So all is NOT lost ! I wasn't feeling well yesterday- so from the safety of my sofa, i tried to get alot ticked off my list.....
  • Financial and paperwork stuff for the house sale -TICK!
  • Started Ebay listings -TICK!
  • Went out for dinner items,& found 9 large clean boxes looking for a home! -Packing boxes -TICK!
  • Got some much needed medicine for my skin issues -TICK!
  • Started packing - TICK1
I started to feel really accomplished :) Then Bec came over in the afternoon and we did some packing and sorting, and while it's emotionally really hard to decide who would like what of our joint lives, it's also cleansing. We spent the afternoon laughing, and crying, and just enjoying time together getting shit done!

So I'm not debt free, and i don't have anywhere to live and my car still scares me, but I'm living, and I'm ticking things off lists, and it feels good. I just need to keep the momentum going!

5 weeks to go till move day .....