It's no secret that i don't do silence or my own company very well... i will openly admit that. It's been 33 years since i lived alone (and I'm only 33!) and to say the least this is a shock to the system!
It's been 2 weeks since i stepped out onto the solo living field, and this week has been the toughest, yet it's allowed me to grow in a way that i didn't even notice till this morning.
Let me explain...
For the past 6 years my routine is to get up, turn the radio on in the bathroom, so i have music and noise in the shower (a solo activity) i then carry that radio to the bedroom,and get dressed, carry it to the kitchen and listen to it while having breakfast. Get int he car with radio on. Arrive at work and turn on laptop radio feed. get in the car with radio on. get home and turn on radio till t.v is switched on.
Get the picture ? yup i love noise and music :)
So flash forward to two weeks ago - My bathroom and bedroom radio is broken. and I'm no longer able to stream radio from work on my laptop. so there's been a forced silence in my life-and i think I'm ok with it.
It only dawned on me this morning, when in silence i stood in my room looking at myself in the mirror after dressing...seeing a new person. a changed person. a stronger person. someone who decided to take on the world, and is doing it. (okay maybe not the world but my own body and health at least) and she's doing it in silence. and shes ok. she's still loosing weight, still going to work, still washing clothes,and eating good food, still going to the gym and maintaining friendships. it's happening.and in silence. it's quiet. and that's ok.
with silence i get to think, which isn't always a good thing... Living in my head. I'm an over thinker (perhaps even it's queen!) but this past week I'm understanding the need for silence. to quieten the mind. to meditate. to think of myself, and to remember good memories.
This might seam like a silly blog post to write, and i did question myself at first- but i realised that this is about growing, and changing , and me. I'm proud to stand, sit, shower, dress, eat and work in silence.