The other side of success.

So it's been a long time since I last posted.  I think about doing it a lot. Life happened. this is a bit about why... I've been embarrassed.... but it's time to say it out loud. it's for my 12WBT 30+crew.

I want to share the other side of success.

For those you don’t know me … I’m one of your admins here. I’ve been on the 12WBT philosophy for 16 months . 4 official Rounds with 12WBT. Start weight was 206kg. I lost 65Kg in 1 year.

Current Weight 146.6kg.

Yup I gained weight…. Current loss 59.4Kg

It started about 6-8  weeks ago-I was 141kg – 2kg off cracking the 140’s I was ecstatic! 

Then it happened I gained 5kg.  I knew what it was- eating portions increased- training decreased.

Then I gained another 3kg.  bringing the gain to 8kg. I was sitting on 149.3 and thinking I’m less than  1kg from being back to 150Kg. that figure that I struggled with for months to crack.

How could I of let this happen? I’d lost 65kg, just 5 off 70kg… I was so proud of the changes I’d made, the interest in Nutrition, the freedom feeling of running…. Where did it go wrong?

I stopped and thought a lot about it. I remembered the very most important thing about weight loss. It’s not diet. It’s not training.  It’s not organisation or shopping lists. It’s my brain. My mindset.my thought pattern.

Something personal had happened in my life at that time.  And then another, and another…. Until the focus of positive wellbeing had literally been shoved in the corner of a room to die a  slow death.

I found comfort in chocolate. In wine. In big portions of food. In couch laying. In misery.

I was turning back into the old me.

So last week I sat myself down and had a good talking to. (always an interesting thing to do ) I decided to stop wallowing. To start believing in me again. To make small and large goals. To remind myself WHY I do what I do. To remind myself of the toxic crap I’ve been eating. To remind myself that by overeating I’m growing my shrunken stomach. To look at myself I the mirror and see the loose skin, and saggy body, and remember why it now looks like this.  Cause I once believed in me. In the things I could achieve.  To believe I’m WORTH more than I was giving myself credit for. To remind me to LOVE me.

I’m far from perfect. I hope I’m never perfect. I’ve evolving daily and I love me like that.

I’ve lost 2.5 of those 8kg this week. I’m not sure how. Belief? Trust? Hope? Love …..?

I don’t have the answer or the tricks to hand on to all of us that struggle. I just know you have to belief in yourself. Give yourself a sense of WORTH. Know that you are capable of bigger and better things than right now…. It’ll take time-  so give yourself that gift.

I lost 65kg in a year.  I gained 8kg in 2 months. I will lose the next 50+KG over 2-3 years.

Be gentle to yourself. Be reasonable. Be hopeful. Be active. Be positive.

Be You.

xxxxx

I'm fucking awesome & so are you !!!

There's a meme doing the rounds on Facebook, so I decided to chime in ...

A new home, a new leaf & a new life ....

It's been a busy few weeks.
First big wedding of 2013 for my business. Packed and sold my first home &  moved into my new apartment.

But it's done. I did it. I made it through what i was deeming the hardest month this year for me!  Back at work after 4 days off work for the move and my colleagues all think i look so happy :) and i FEEL so happy!

My apartment- all be it still half in boxes- is looking beautiful. It's so big for me that i forget where i am some times!

I get to wake up looking at the sunrise from the comfort of my pillow & doona... and i smile, and im happy and ready for what the works will throw at me!

It wasn't an easy 5 months getting to this point.  it's been hard. really hard. for the most part i've put on a happy face, but pain is deep, and it runs true. It's also not over... i feel that sense of loss frequently, and i will for a long time to come.

On a positive note- over this stressful time , when i've not eaten as great as i could of, i've not gained weight! it means even under pressure.. I'VE GOT THIS! :)

My Healing has only just begun, there is much excitement ahead, things to learn, new people to meet, and many a new leaf to turn. But right now it feels good.

My next adventure (via my 34th birthday) is a trip to Brisbane for the Emazon- Stand your ground 4 day convention. It's going to be the place i learn more about who i am, who I'm going to be and where i've come from to get to this point. I'm excited to come home after those 4 days, fitter, healthier of mind, and with plans for my future spirit.
These 4 days are going to be all about me, and no-one else. It's a TOTALLY selfish experience ! I'll put my self first on all levels... So be warned-  don't expect much from me 18-23rd April.... get your birthday wishes in early people :)

When i return from Brisbane, i expect I'll be a force to be reckoned with, a changed (or changing) woman of mind and spirit! (to add to the ever changing body)

Whats' more in the past 5 months my friendships have grown. Those close to me that have been supportive- you know who you are, i love and adore each and everyone of you.
And to Bec, for our mutual understanding and acceptance of each others changes, needs and growths. I'm so proud of us both! We've come so far- the only way is up Pickle- and I'm excited for us !! xx

So, this is where I'm at.  an exciting place in my life, moving forward and not looking back.

Let the new leaf adventures begin!

:)

Doing it!!!