Saving my life... & a funny thing happened on the way to work....

With only a few days till my birthday and a few KG's off hitting -60kg loss, i decided it was time to get cracking on my -50kg loss present to myself!




I've been planning this gift to myself for a while now, but for those of you who read my blog, you'll know my "mantra" is  - "saving my life"   Ive blogged it, and Vloged it, and i stand by it daily... so what better a reminder of the transformation I'm going through that a daily reminder on my wrist of what it is I'm doing ....


So off i went to North Shore ink in Waitara. I was nervous and excited all at once! My beautiful friend Jess came with me 8 1/2 months pregnant!
I met with Lee he sketched my tattoo , and after some careful placements off we went.....

 

We all love a good "before" photo :)

Let the fun begin!

Almost Done

Beautiful pain

                 

It wasn't till Lee had nearly finished, that i noticed under his collar a chest tattoo. It said "tattooing saved my life".  We chatted about the significance to him for this tattoo, and how we both appreciated the ink we now wore.
He had a bad childhood and was on the wrong side of life, so to speak. There was no career direction for him, and one day a friend said to him; "What are you going to do with your life?" He could only reply- "Just keep drinking and drugging till i die". His friend offered him a job in Tattooing and Lee never looked back.

As i sat in the chair with a tear rolling down my face it reminded me just how short and precious life can be. Sometimes we are offered a suggested hand in life, but ultimately it's up to us to accept the offer/suggestion. Weather it's weight loss, career change- the theory is relevant to so many different aspects of life. For Lee had he not of accepted the offer-who knows where he could of been now! The good news is he did, and every day he's saving his own life through a passion of art.

I couldn't of wished for a better tattooist!

The Finished Product

So a funny thing happened on the way to work this Tattoo-ing day .... to explain i need to go back a few years- before my transformation.

From the age of 7 I've been a singer - stage mostly, some T.V and outdoor performances. About 4 years ago i stopped singing, not even in the shower, sometimes in the car but not much.
 
I've also started learning a lot from an amazing woman - Emazon.  she's taught me how to listen to myself, my greater mind, to seek the paths in life that I want, and not to follow the paths that the outside world potentials "made" me go on. The greater-mind only understands 2 things...  Love & Freedom. Emma's explanation of freedom is to have your wings full spread, soaring across the sky.... when we deny our greater-mind our wigs a re tight closed, and blocked from being wide open.

So I'm driving along the freeway towards Sydney on a clear blue day, music was pumping , i felt so happy- and all i wanted to do was SING!!  I turned off the radio and turned my voice recorder on my Iphone, and sung all my favorite songs that hadn't passed my lips in years! I remember leaning forward and looking at the sky with not a wisp of cloud..... until there was.

It was a pair of perfect spread wings! So defined and big and glorious and it was there just for me. Immediately i knew that having the music back in my voice was right for me. My greater-mind was having a party in my body and i was loving every second!

Feeling the Music

So when i went to get my wrist tattoo, it was only natural that i got this too!

I'm completely deaf in my left ear-  so for me this tattoo is also about the fact i may not hear the music, but i will always feel it.

A week after

A month later & all healed

A new home, a new leaf & a new life ....

It's been a busy few weeks.
First big wedding of 2013 for my business. Packed and sold my first home &  moved into my new apartment.

But it's done. I did it. I made it through what i was deeming the hardest month this year for me!  Back at work after 4 days off work for the move and my colleagues all think i look so happy :) and i FEEL so happy!

My apartment- all be it still half in boxes- is looking beautiful. It's so big for me that i forget where i am some times!

I get to wake up looking at the sunrise from the comfort of my pillow & doona... and i smile, and im happy and ready for what the works will throw at me!

It wasn't an easy 5 months getting to this point.  it's been hard. really hard. for the most part i've put on a happy face, but pain is deep, and it runs true. It's also not over... i feel that sense of loss frequently, and i will for a long time to come.

On a positive note- over this stressful time , when i've not eaten as great as i could of, i've not gained weight! it means even under pressure.. I'VE GOT THIS! :)

My Healing has only just begun, there is much excitement ahead, things to learn, new people to meet, and many a new leaf to turn. But right now it feels good.

My next adventure (via my 34th birthday) is a trip to Brisbane for the Emazon- Stand your ground 4 day convention. It's going to be the place i learn more about who i am, who I'm going to be and where i've come from to get to this point. I'm excited to come home after those 4 days, fitter, healthier of mind, and with plans for my future spirit.
These 4 days are going to be all about me, and no-one else. It's a TOTALLY selfish experience ! I'll put my self first on all levels... So be warned-  don't expect much from me 18-23rd April.... get your birthday wishes in early people :)

When i return from Brisbane, i expect I'll be a force to be reckoned with, a changed (or changing) woman of mind and spirit! (to add to the ever changing body)

Whats' more in the past 5 months my friendships have grown. Those close to me that have been supportive- you know who you are, i love and adore each and everyone of you.
And to Bec, for our mutual understanding and acceptance of each others changes, needs and growths. I'm so proud of us both! We've come so far- the only way is up Pickle- and I'm excited for us !! xx

So, this is where I'm at.  an exciting place in my life, moving forward and not looking back.

Let the new leaf adventures begin!

:)

Out with the old & in with the NEW ...

What a day it's been!! It was the last day of round 4 2012!  and i didn't waist it my sitting around.... i spent it at Olympic Park at the Colour run -See my post and pics here  Tomorrow is day 1 of round 1 2013 :)
YUP I'm signed up to round 1 2013 thanks to one of my earth Angels... i will be forever grateful - you 30+ crew girls are like family. I love you all xx

So what is my plan ? What are my commitments? What are my goals ?

Round 1 2013 is ALL about exercise... why ? cause my body told me so! all i can think about lately is exercise, i go for 3-4km walk at lunch each day at work , I've signed up for 10 week Cardio boxing class, and committed to 2 pump classes a week....BUT  starting tomorrow I'm going to attempt to stick to the programs daily exercises supplied as well, shamefully i admit I've never done it !

So...

Plan:-
EXERCISE ALOT!
Clean eating
Open mind

Commitments:-
There are 3 people that have asked for my assistance in keeping them on track this round, and in return i know they will help me aswell.

Christine, Tracey &  Shelley ... I'm committing to pushing you when your slack, Reminding you of your goals...as long as you commit to kicking my butt too!!

To Myself,  I'm committing to a BIG change this round ... it just feels like something big is going to happen for me in the next 3 months .. socially and health wise is a HUGE 3 months, so i need to be strong, healthy, mindful, strong and organised!

Goals:-
20 Kg loss - rounding me up to a 70kg total loss in one year!
Improved fitness, measured my fitness tests.
To enter EVERY 12wbt weekly surprise.
Climb Mount Pan again
Blog more
Vlog more
Listen more

Learn so much from people around me and study with Emazon.

Exciting things happening this round.....
I will celebrate my 34th birthday being the THINNEST & HEALTHIEST I've ever been in memory!
5 days in Brisbane for the Emazon convention
Celebrate my Nieces first birthday & christening
MELB FINALE!!!
All this PLUS sell my house, pack and move, and have 3 weddings on my books for my business..
It's going to be a HUGE 3 months!


Well that's it! I've shopped, planned the weeks menu, and even prepped veg, and all my breakfasts for the week, clothes are all washed, gym kit packed. I am GOOD TO GO!

Last but by no means least

I'm thrilled to share the below photo... i am a week late with this comparison this round , but i actually had lost the pants and only found them today! although i lost the smallest amount this round since starting my lifestyle change 9 months ago (6kg) i do see such a difference, and it made me SO happy to put this mash up together! i can't wait till i can get a second person in those pants !!

These pants didn't fit me 9 months ago! They are non-stretchy, waistband, and zip work pants. This BLOWS me away! I'm so proud of me :)

Running away the frustration

By lunchtime today id had enough. Work was stressful and frustrating, personal life is overwhelming .... So there was no other option but to run ..

Take in the fresh air, wind in my hair . I wanted to feel the pavement beneath me as I thrashed it.. I wanted to feel free to run with meaning and to get back to zero.

It was my first time I'd taken a lunch time run in 3 months ! It was so perfect I didn't want to stop!

I was free from everything and everyone., just me being my alpha red self taking all my feelings out in a safe way on the footpath.

Freedom is amazing even for 30 mins so amazing that it will be a daily occurrence again.

I'm addicted to freedom.
To me time.
To strength.
To the road...

WARNING...Red woman emerging..

I don't want to say much about my Emazon 1:1 experience today other than it was life changing and I feel like i could get addicted to Emma's energy...

All I want to do is post these photos I took after my session at terrigal during my reflection time, so ill always remember how great today felt .

Clarity , justification, tools, time and energy are what I gained today. I'll be forever grateful .

I've got this !

A new day...

Today marks a special day for me. 

The day i drew a line in the sand.
The day i start to look forward and not backwards.
The day i take the first step and acknowledge my wrong doings.
The day i put me first, and heal my ills.
The day i take responsibility for my own actions.
The day i ask myself before each decision "will this send me forwards or backwards?"

It's time to "fix" me.

It's time for my blue self to piss off, and my RED SELF to emerge.

It's My Time.

Strength Lies Within

 

Feather,Rock,Truck...

No matter how good a day is- there's always a bad day waiting around the corner when you have a broken heart. Then a good day.... then another bad..and so on.
I can't predict which emotion today will bring. I'm out of control of my own feelings.

I.have.no.control

I've been staring at that sentence for about 4 hours now. No. Control. it's ok to not have control isn't it? it's ok if i say it's ok. right ?

I learnt something during a workshop a few weeks ago that i think we all know anyway- but hearing it out loud made me sit, listen, and take it in. It made so much sense to me.

In life you will get "feathers" little warnings or messages to take notice of, as humans we will ignore the feathers, disregard them as not important. 
Then we get "rocks". Rocks will come with more force than the feathers - a little more annoying than the feather, but in a busy lifestyle they will not seam important, and are easily ignored.
The next natural progression is the "trucks". Trucks are the end. They are as serious as the moment will get- and frankly un-ignorable. 

I got my truck 3 weeks ago. 9th November 2012. It was my 6th year anniversary of meeting my soul mate. We'd been married 13 months & 1 day.

I.had.no.control

The feathers had come and gone, the rocks had been thrown. All that was left was the truck and it had arrived. "without warning".

It's the interesting thing about trucks... they do come with warning. I'd chosen to ignore or forgive the warnings, cause generally life is ok. Why rock the boat? I have love, I give and receive it. I have plans for the future. 

Every things ok ...right?

Wrong.

Everything that's happened since the truck arrived has been an emotional and physical toll. I'm not sure how to feel in control again, or even if i ever will.

Will i ever feel like i have taken the power back you stole?

I will promise myself to look out for the feathers from this point on, because trucks are to hard to deal with.

So what's next?