The Beach & My Soul ....

I went to Spoon Bay today ... swimmers on, mineral water and grapes packed. Towel and sunnies in hand.

I walked the beach (dodging the blue bottles) strolled up the rocks to the top of the hill. It was effortless. The old me would never of strolled on a beach -too far, too hard, can't be bothered!
But today the sun was on my skin, salt sea spray cooling me down. Sand under foot.  Perfection!

When I got to the top i stopped. everything stopped. just for a moment the world i was in was perfect.

The waves crashed up against the rocks, white water washed at the base-so far away..white, fluffy bubbles-calling me in the sunshine.

Back on the sand, and into the water. it was so cold, so perfect. It cleansed my soul,cleansed me of the week that's been.

Today i managed to erase the world outside my bubble. to breathe. to breathe deep. to feel.

At home now and I'm delaying showering- to just smell the sea salt, and sunshine on my skin just that little bit longer.

Today i went to spoon bay, and it was bliss!

Me standing on top of the world! - Spoon Bay

Fear is my prison.....

It's a funny thing Fear.... and actually there's nothing humorous about it at all. It rears it's head in unexpected places, lays dormant ready to pounce at any given moment.

When i started 12WBT -7 months ago i had nothing but fear in my mind. Fear of failure, Fear of disappointment, fear of the unknown, Fear of walking, fear of exercise, fear of fear it's self!

As time went on a lot of the fears subsided, because i showed myself that i beat the fear, conquered the thing I feared most.

I've lost nearly 50Kg in 7 months - BIG fear conquered. Yes Rach you can actually loose weight in a relatively easy way by treating your body with respect, nurturing your mind, fueling your body with good nutrition.
It's not magic... just conquered fear!

I walked/jogged the Sydney harbour bridge in 2012.  BIG fear challenged met face to face, and smashed!
I climbed Mt Panorama (and im about to do it again in a few days) BIG fear met and Smashed!
I walked 1000+ bloody grueling, mind bending steps in the blue mountains - HUGEEEE fear! faced & SMASHED!

But what are the fears i don't talk about?
The fear of life failure. The fear of never amounting to anything. The fear of never being loved. The fear of debt beyond imagination, The fear of family upset. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of not making those closest to me proud.

All these fears are my prison. They keep me close minded. They keep me guarded. The keep me from jumping (metaphorically) off the ledge. The keep me from being my True Self. 


Each and Every day I learn new things about me, and the changes i'm going through in Mind, body & Spirit.
Last night it was the realisation that in fact Fear is my prison. Today things make sense. Life is clearer. My Mind is open.
I won't lie- I still feel like fear of  "but what will..... (happen), (they say), (She think) (he do next)" clouds my head.
But in realising that it's the fear that holds me here i hope to start working on clearing it. Leaping! Doing not thinking! Being not dreaming about it!


 From today i make a step forward towards Living a life without FEAR......

A new day...

Today marks a special day for me. 

The day i drew a line in the sand.
The day i start to look forward and not backwards.
The day i take the first step and acknowledge my wrong doings.
The day i put me first, and heal my ills.
The day i take responsibility for my own actions.
The day i ask myself before each decision "will this send me forwards or backwards?"

It's time to "fix" me.

It's time for my blue self to piss off, and my RED SELF to emerge.

It's My Time.

Strength Lies Within

 

24.09.12 Blue Mountains 1000 Stairs challenge

Yesterday i pushed the limits, I dared to go where girls my size may never go.. and i triumphed beyond my wildest dreams!

The challenge was the 1000 stairs at the blue mountains 3 sisters. It's 800 stairs down the Furber Track, about a 2KM walk to the base of the 3 sisters, and approx 1000 stairs back up the mountain.

Easy right? wrong!
It was the hardest thing I've ever done.  about 30 mins into the walk down my legs were screaming, like jelly, and i couldn't stop my knees wobbling all over the place. We soon realised that you had to keep on moving to avoid the wobbles, and move we did.  getting to the base of the 3 sisters- after looking at it from afar was awesome feat in it's self. the terrain was up and down climbing over rocks and up and down little ditches.

The important thing for me was i should never give up! once we got to the base of the 2 sisters- i had the option to walk back the 2km I'd just walked and get the scenic railway up to the top OR push on another 1km and climb those bloody stairs! now this is where it got interesting. For the week before the adventure and right up to the 2 hour drive to the mountains i was set on option one - scenic railway back up. until i got to the stairs... i looked at them, and with ALOT of encouraging words i said to myself ... "do you really want to go backwards?"  the answer - NO!

Thank god for the group of AMAZING girls that we walked with they encouraged me so much - perhaps to a point where i didn't even think about it and just though stuff it I'm climbing!
even today i still can;t believe i did it. i climbed each and every bloody stair . it took a while, and i asked everyone to go ahead so i could climb in my own time. Yes i was the slowest and the last to come in but i didn't care - i just fu*king did it!

For the most part the stairs where more like a ladder- having to use upper body strength to get you up there which was a bit of relief on my legs. It was at about the 3rd set of stairs when we were out of the trees and i could start to see across the valley to the mountains -i stopped and took a breath and just welled up. Emotion over came me. i was doing this. really doing it! a hug from Bec and Teresa and i was good to go. So many supportive, beautiful, strong and motivated women to drive me through the mind bending going on was all i needed.

It wasn't to long before i was seeing the tops of mountains across the valley, and before long i was walking up the final 20 stairs... a sweet sweet ending to an epic morning.

A short walk to the trolley bus, back to the start, and the 20 of us went off to a well deserved lunch together to celebrate an amazing achievement by all.

After lunch i noticed a box of cards made my locals, and decided i would buy one to write a letter to myself so i may never forget about how i felt right at that moment.

Today i woke in a lot of pain. Places in my leg hurt that i never knew could! haha!
I knew it was important to take a lunch time walk to stretch out my legs but what i didn't realise was how i would need to shake out my head. I was feeling so emotional today- so flat, so all over the place that a good walk was exactly what I indeed. Half way i stopped at my favorite park that i like to swing on the swing (now that i can :-) ) and i wrote that letter to myself. 

Here are the stats-  a PB to beat the next time i feel crazy enough to climb those stairs!

Distance :- approx 6KM
Time:- 2 hours 40 mins
Cals Burnt :- 1600 ! WOAH :)

It all started here - we had no idea what was in store for us !

The first look out to see where we were headed... i nearly died when i saw the distance to the base of the 3 sisters from where we were!

Megan always smiling and ready to go !

soooo far to the 3 sisters....

Quick selfie before we start....

On my way... are we there yet?

Quick stop for a waterfall shot :)

 

We made it to the 3 sisters! We are now under that far distant mountain we saw at the beginning!

Always time and energy for a silly moment!

So here it is kids.... the base of the hell that awaited us! I'm smiling but ...is it delirium?! we took this for our mums so they would see us happy moments before death  HAHA!

The fear in bec's face says it all!

I wouldn't be me if i didn't stop to take in the flowers :)

Almost half way  up the stairs.. and emotion sets in.

I didn't look down to often -trying to avoid my fear of heights..and this picture doesn't do the steepness justice

YAY! Me and my shoes made it half way... not so shinny and a little worse for wear but we did it :)

The moment my fear of heights kicked in... i looked, i paused for a photo and then JFDI !

The top is in sight!

look still alive! :)

At the point when it felt like i was about to climb a ladder not a staircase!

I really can't believe i walked this far!

Almost there -one more set of steps!!

That's the end!! YAY

I DID IT!!!!!!

"Strong Walkers Only" - good advice at the wrong end of the staircase hahah

SO proud of Bec ! she did it!!

The Awesome Nicki!

You Rock Leonie!

And so it was done. 1600 Cals and 6KM! Awesome!

My Letter to myself.... to read when I'm feeling like I've got no wil power or like i can't do anything..After that staircase, i can do ANYTHING!!