Learning to hear the silence....

It's no secret that i don't do silence or my own company very well...  i will openly admit that. It's been 33 years since i lived alone (and I'm only 33!) and to say the least this is a shock to the system!

 It's been 2 weeks since i stepped out onto the solo living field, and this week has been the toughest, yet it's allowed me to grow in a way that i didn't even notice till this morning.


Let me explain...

For the past 6 years my routine is to get up, turn the radio on in the bathroom, so i have music and noise in the shower (a solo activity) i then carry that radio to the bedroom,and get dressed, carry it to the kitchen and listen to it while having breakfast. Get int he car with radio on. Arrive at work and turn on laptop radio feed. get in the car with radio on. get home and turn on radio till t.v is switched on.

Get the picture ? yup i love noise and music :)

So flash forward to two weeks ago - My bathroom and bedroom radio is broken. and I'm no longer able to stream radio from work on my laptop. so there's been a forced silence in my life-and i think I'm ok with it.

It only dawned on me this morning, when in silence i stood in my room looking at myself in the mirror after dressing...seeing a new person. a changed person. a stronger person. someone who decided to take on the world, and is doing it. (okay maybe not the world but my own body and health at least) and she's doing it in silence. and shes ok. she's still loosing weight, still going to work, still washing clothes,and eating good food, still going to the gym and maintaining friendships. it's happening.and in silence. it's quiet. and that's ok.

with silence i get to think, which isn't always a good thing... Living in my head.  I'm an over thinker (perhaps even it's queen!) but this past week I'm understanding the need for silence. to quieten the mind. to meditate. to think of myself, and to remember good memories. 

This might seam like a silly blog post to write, and i did question myself at first- but i realised that this is about growing, and changing , and me. I'm proud to stand, sit, shower, dress, eat and work in silence.

A quarter of the woman i once was is gone....

I've been writing this post in my head for weeks now, just waiting for today to happen. So now it's here it should be easy right? .... wrong - it's so hard.. i feel so weird....i've been waiting for this moment for 32 weeks- reaching a mini milestrone, the 1/2 way mark.. and now it's here?!?

It's been 32 weeks since i started this life change with www.12wbt.com and yet it feels like years some days, and weeks others. All in all,  the last  8 months have been fun, tiring, exhilarating, life changing, new habits forming and inspiring. It's been 8 months full of proud moments, struggle moments, sadness, happiness, mostly good food choices with a few bad thrown in.
Mostly I've learnt alot about me. Things i like but never thought to try, my limits and how fun it is to push them. That I'm not as fearful as i thought i was, and that  i .can.do.anything!!

So what are the stats?
I've gone from size 30/32 to a size 18/20



Week 1 (June 2012)

 Chest (cm) 154

Waist (cm) 155

Hips (cm) 176

 
Week 32 (January 2013)

Chest (cm)131 (23 smaller)

Waist (cm)121 (34 smaller)

Hips (cm) 151 (25 smaller)

So what does 50kg look like for me?

My Face Changes

Week 8 (-10kg)                                                                                Week 32 (-50kg)

 So thats it! 1/2 way to loosing 100Kg !

See ya 50KG !!!!

Mount Panorama - Take 2!

If your a regular reader of my blog - you'll of read this . It was the first time i climbed Mother Mountain, and last Sunday i climbed it again.  Hot Lap of Mt Pan Take 2!

It feels as long as it looks!!

It was the Mini milestone for 12WBT week 4 round 4 and i smashed that mountain i beat my previous time of 1 hour 31 Min's 39 seconds  by 14 Min's and 15 seconds! So much more than i hoped! i would of been  happy with 30 seconds better cause it just means I've improved my fitness!


 

A PB and a new Time to beat ! YAY!

  
Stats for this time round were :-
6km in 1:17:24 burning  780 Calories!


I had a fabulous weekend at Bathurst sharing the mountain with old friends and making new ones.  There was 20 of us that walked together in total, and for most of them it was the first time they'd walked the hot lap.  i think each and every one of them plan to do it again! i can't wait...
I'm biting at the bit to get to the 1 hour time !!

View from our room at dusk on saturday

 





Staying at the Rydges on the Track for the first time was a bit hoot! the hotel was amazing, and the staff so accommodating having a big group drinking cocktails on a Saturday night, so many laughs, and so much fun!

The start Line! and we're off!!  Me and My shoes can do anything!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dianna was such an inspiration- she's lost 55Kg on 12WBT, and she ran and walked the mountain carrying 30Kg in weights!!

     I made it to the top!                        Running down- the end is in sight!     JUMPING over the finish line!

 

Those of us officially doing the 4th Round of 12WBT, posed for a photo to summit an entry for the 4 week mini milestone. we didn't win, but we don't care! we had such a great day!

 

On my drive back to Sydney I stopped in at a cute boutique in Bathurst- lets be honest i could of bought everything in the shop! But one little ring caught my eye and had to be mine- it was my gift to me for smashing that mountain!

It seeked me out, and spoke to me-
"paradise is where i am",  "passion", "peace", "magic", "joy", "create", "imagination", "life", "love", and most importantly "infinite courage".




 




 Counting down the days till the next hot lap :)
 

The 21 of us that conquered the hot lap !

Fear is my prison.....

It's a funny thing Fear.... and actually there's nothing humorous about it at all. It rears it's head in unexpected places, lays dormant ready to pounce at any given moment.

When i started 12WBT -7 months ago i had nothing but fear in my mind. Fear of failure, Fear of disappointment, fear of the unknown, Fear of walking, fear of exercise, fear of fear it's self!

As time went on a lot of the fears subsided, because i showed myself that i beat the fear, conquered the thing I feared most.

I've lost nearly 50Kg in 7 months - BIG fear conquered. Yes Rach you can actually loose weight in a relatively easy way by treating your body with respect, nurturing your mind, fueling your body with good nutrition.
It's not magic... just conquered fear!

I walked/jogged the Sydney harbour bridge in 2012.  BIG fear challenged met face to face, and smashed!
I climbed Mt Panorama (and im about to do it again in a few days) BIG fear met and Smashed!
I walked 1000+ bloody grueling, mind bending steps in the blue mountains - HUGEEEE fear! faced & SMASHED!

But what are the fears i don't talk about?
The fear of life failure. The fear of never amounting to anything. The fear of never being loved. The fear of debt beyond imagination, The fear of family upset. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of not making those closest to me proud.

All these fears are my prison. They keep me close minded. They keep me guarded. The keep me from jumping (metaphorically) off the ledge. The keep me from being my True Self. 


Each and Every day I learn new things about me, and the changes i'm going through in Mind, body & Spirit.
Last night it was the realisation that in fact Fear is my prison. Today things make sense. Life is clearer. My Mind is open.
I won't lie- I still feel like fear of  "but what will..... (happen), (they say), (She think) (he do next)" clouds my head.
But in realising that it's the fear that holds me here i hope to start working on clearing it. Leaping! Doing not thinking! Being not dreaming about it!


 From today i make a step forward towards Living a life without FEAR......

A new day...

Today marks a special day for me. 

The day i drew a line in the sand.
The day i start to look forward and not backwards.
The day i take the first step and acknowledge my wrong doings.
The day i put me first, and heal my ills.
The day i take responsibility for my own actions.
The day i ask myself before each decision "will this send me forwards or backwards?"

It's time to "fix" me.

It's time for my blue self to piss off, and my RED SELF to emerge.

It's My Time.

Strength Lies Within